My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.

Wednesday, May 4, 2022


 To All Members of the fBI:

There is a certain heartbreak to being falsely accused of terrorism by the FBI, especially if a person has risked her life, and continues to risk her life, for the sake of the democracy.

Because a false accusation of terrorism is a powerful excuse to terrorize a target, isn't it?  It is a prelude to a first-degree murder committed by a national al security agency, isn't it?  A bureaucratic formality on the way to the "disposition matrix," isn't it?

Last Thursday morning, I spent about twenty minutes trimming weeds in my yard, only to be informed later that I was being viewed  by a military-grade drone the whole time, running the risk of being shot by a sniper.

For me, it was an astonishing revelation.  Because I am a sixty-year-old literary novelist who loves peace and harmony.  I am an English literature major from Dartmouth College who adores William Faulkner and Toni Morrison and the New York Times and a heartfelt debate and travel to places I've never been before and democracy.

It is difficult to imagine that I could be viewed as a threat to anyone, except that I have filed Freedom of Information Act Request #1496758-000 with the FBI, which is likely to reveal the extensive corruption present within the FBI's Nationwide Suspicious Activity Reporting Initiative and its affiliated "target of interest" program

There appear to be enormous Congressional budget appropriations which are reliant, year over year, on the falsified law enforcement reporting in which the FBI has engaged.  And that money is dependent upon the persistence of those lies, told about law-abiding American citizens, without their knowledge or consent.

And so, drones are watching me wield my garden clippers, accordion to others who are concerned for my safety.  The backyard is apparently too hazardous a destination for me to risk right now.

My friends, neighbors, and even some family members have been forced to become FBI informants through the FBI's false assertions that I am either a terrorist or a spy.  If I see them in person or speak to them on the phone, they will be -- as they have been in the past -- coerced into signing falsified witness statements about my opinions, my activities, and my plans.

And so, there is silence here, and heartbreak, yes.

Yet, I am undaunted.

May I tell you why?

The character of our nation is made up of ordinary people who have aspirations and anxieties, raises and furloughs, triumphs and disappointments, ideals and necessities.  People who have parents and children and spouses and friends.  The character of our nation is made upon the dog catcher and the CEO and the mailman and the engineer and the opera singer and the journalist and the teacher.  It's made up of you and me.  

These people want to know that they matter to the life of the nation, and they do.

If I am not willing to risk my life to protect their futures, then I will have failed the test of our democracy, which says that the freedom of all Americans are worthy of our most vigorous defense.

So, I am holding to my principles in asking that FBI Director Christopher Wray fulfill my FOIA Request #1496758-000 in its entirety, without redaction.  And I am going to defend our democracy with that information when he does.

I, as an FBI whistleblower, am no terrorist, though I understand some people may feel terrified by the prospect of the disclosure of the corruption of the FBI's "target of interest" program.

Neither am I a "spy," though I understand the FBI has committed serious crimes in invading my privacy.

I am not a "prostitute," as FBI affiliates have purportedly alleged for pay.  In truth, I have had one lifetime intimate partner.

I am not a "drug dealer," as FBI associates have alleged for pay.  In actuality, I have never once used illegal drugs of any kind.

I am not a "predator" toward the vulnerable, although I understand my stalker provided the FBI with a fake, AI-generated film co-opting my likeness to depict a crime that never occurred.

The most frightening group of people I have ever encountered consisted of a gathering of wealthy donors to the far right in the autumn of 2019, to which I was invited by FBI informant Becky Osgood, in which a man stood on the stage, flanked by media moguls and military men, and stated that the Republicans planed to "neutralize" their political opponents.

I guessed, quite rightly, it turns out, that the political opponents of this thinly veiled totalitarianism were the idealists, the defenders of democracy, the speakers of the truth, the journalists, and perhaps the contributing Democrats.  People like me.

I am a law-abiding American citizen who loves her country and the democratic principles on which it was founded.  I believe these vaunted ideals remain the great hope of Americans and, indeed, of all who love freedom the world over.

I believe America needs the FBI, but not an FBI that functions like the KGB, the FSB, the Stasi, or the secret police.  Not an FBI that wields disinformation against the American people and the Constitution it was founded to protect.

One of the qualities, among countless virtues, I admire most about President Biden and his Administration is the way in which he mobilizes intelligence information to serve the truth.  If Putin is planning to justify an invasion of Ukraine on the basis of a false claim of imminent attack, President Biden's strength of character leads him to immediately disclose this information to the public.  That's a leadership style borne of integrity and fortitude, and it's rare.

The American people need to know how fortunate we are to claim President Biden as our Commander in Chief at this moment in our history, when autocrracy threatens the civil liberties and human rights of all.

The FBI's false allegations of espionage and terrorism mirror Putin's tactics.  Specifically, they represent plans to justify aggression based on false claims of imminent attack.

So, let me make something clear:  I love peace.  Peace in our time.  Peace for all time.

If I am fortunate enough to face those who have caused grievous harms to my family and to me through the FBI's "target of interest" program, it will be in a court of law and in no other setting.

If the FBI genuinely believes that I have broken the law in any capacity, I ask that I be presented with the evidence -- openly, transparently, accountably, and immediately.  The Constitution grants me the right to face my accusers.  Line them up before me, please.

I think we all know the FBI's false claims cannot withstand the scrutiny a court process would demand.

I possess a deep faith in God.  And among the lost important things God has to tell us is, "Thou shalt not bear false witness."

He doesn't say, "Thou shalt not bear false witness unless thou art being lavishly paid by Infragard though a cryptocurrency account."

He doesn't say, "Thou shalt not bear false witness unless thou art being threatened with being placed on the 'target of interest' list by a corrupt FBI supervisor."

He simply says, "Don't do it."

He also says, "Thou shalt not kill."

I think He intends that we should take these words to heart.  And so, I have spent my life upholding them.

I believe our country would benefit from the FBI's renewed commitment to uphold them, too.

I ask FBI Director Christopher Wray once again to fulfill his lawfully required responsibility to provide me with all materials responsive to my FOIA Request #1496758-000, unredacted.

Full disclosure of the FBI's engagement with falsified law enforcement reporting is necessary for me individually, but it is necessary for the life of our democracy as well.

I respectfully ask that all members of the FBI stand with me in this cause.

I was re-reading Yeats recently:

                     Turning and turning in the widening gyre

                      The falcon cannot hear the falconer

                      Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Good people of the FBI, treat the Constitution as the falconer this moment.  Hear its words concerning free speech, free assembly, right to privacy and more.

"The centre cannot hold" without your commitment to uphold your vows to defend the freedoms of others, even before your own.

We were founded as one nation under God.  God asks us for very little, but He does ask us for the truth.  He has not abandoned us.  Neither should we abandon the truth.

Help me call the falcon back to the falconer in this moment.  Help him return.

Most sincerely,

Lane MacWilliams

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