My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Tuesday, December 9, 2025

My Return to the Country I Love

 OIG Hotline, please be apprised that I returned to the United States at 11:59 PM on December 7, 2025.  

In order to arrive at my home in Portola Valley early this morning, I drove in two twelve hour segments, staying overnight in Lake Oswego at the Hilton Garden Inn.

I drove primarily at night in order to travel more quickly, with fewer stops.  My puppies were able to sleep at night during our travel, and the trip was easier on them with this schedule.

I filled up the car with gas in California, close to Shasta Lake, last night.  My attempt to refill my car was denied twice at one gas station and once at another.  (The fourth try worked.)  One pump listed on the viewscreen, "Please wait while we determine your security status," or something quite similar.  I have never seen such a statement before, though I have once -- during the last two weeks -- been denied the ability to refill my car through yet another non-functioning pump that was listed as being in full working order.

I need to observe that, for a woman alone to be refused gas for her car in the middle of a rural area at night represents a serious safety risk.

There were two cars at the Shasta gas station last night, one of which was a white van whose driver approached me when the other vehicle left.  The driver stated, apropo of nothing, that I looked "lost" and "out of place" before asking whether I needed assistance.

I told him "No.  I'm fine."

His assertions seemed plainly scripted, consistent with an intention to falsely report that I was in distress in some manner.

The real risk was, ironically, caused by the stranger approaching me at the behest of Txx Lxxxx' FBI cohort in the middle of the night.

Today, I unloaded my car of my suitcases and belongings only to have two gardeners immediately appear at 55 Vista Verde Way, raking leaves that were not in urgent need of disposal.

Meanwhile, two women, allegedly Jehovah's Witnesses, spoke together at the top of my driveway for at least twenty minutes, doing nothing.

Eventually, they descended my driveway, at which point I courteously explained that I was just returning from six months of travel and was unable to speak with them.

They appeared to seek permission to return, but I will not be conversing with these individuals for two reasons.  First, Jehovah's Witnesses have a history of being extremely intolerant of Americans with other faiths, and I feel this stance is unconstitutional.  Second, I do not believe it is appropriate for any people of faith to be paid to file false witness statements about others.

For your full information, I left Canada to return to the United States at this time, because there appeared to be the placement of a child's belonging within my hotel suite without my knowledge or consent, a circumstance I immediately reported to hotel management and one I consider to be particularly indefensible for its possible implications regarding knowingly falsified law enforcement reporting.

In addition, demands for false witness statements from hotel staff and guests appeared to be escalating.

Having said that, I am profoundly grateful to Canada for its welcome over the past six months.  Many Canadians approached this case with the highest ethics, and I appreciate their honor, their integrity and their commitment in doing so.

Canada, as close ally of the United States, shares our interest in ensuring that the long term human rights of their people are honored and upheld in every regard.

This is to confirm that all of my conduct while traveling, as at all other times, was lawful and honorable, reflecting the highest character and integrity, as always.

This is also to confirm that my puppies did not interact with others during our travel, except perhaps to bark from the back seat during a drive-through at McDonald's, or while parked at a rest stop.

I was able to clean up after them thoroughly within our hotel room in Lake Oswego, and our room was left in clean and serviceable condition, without damage.

I have no means of verifying whether the FBI initiated a fake 911 call from my room during our stay, but this allegation was extended to me.  To verify, I made no 911 call, nor did I send any messages or texts indicating distress or a need for emergency services.

One man at a rest stop appeared to attempt to approach us with his Dachsund, but because the rest stop was relatively dark, with poor lighting, I guided my dogs back to our car immediately.

During rest stops, I called my husband in order to enhance our safety and security, speaking to him throughout our time in public.

Because I elected not to leave my dogs alone during our trip, due to the fact that my car has been broken into previously with my dogs inside, a Burger King server brought our meal to my car when it was ready.

All went smoothly in this instance, as one would expect.

I will close this account by expressing that it was with a sense of joy and celebration that I re-entered the United States.

The border official seemed to indicate that all was in order regarding my file, even though a work permit had been mailed to me from Canadian immigration without my having applied for one.

Allegedly, the FBI was attempting to cause harm to me on the basis of this documentation, because those with a work permit are required to demonstrate a successful job application within a limited time period.  Without this, a violent immigration raid apparently becomes possible.  I doubt that this work permit was legal, because I had never applied for it.  But it could have occasioned physical harm to me, nonetheless.

Why did I return to the United States with a sense of celebration and homecoming?  Because this country, committed to its freedom, fiercely independent, insistent on its good faith, supportive of  Constitutional rights, still stands as a beacon of human potential worldwide, one that must not be diminished.

Americans know that our long term liberty can only be preserved if the long term liberty of our families, our neighbors, our communities, is preserved alongside our own.

I stand by our future, and I am here to help make it.

Most sincerely,

Lane MacWilliams



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