My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Update: A Letter to My Son

Update:  I have attempted to remove several typographical errors from the transcribed email that follows.

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OIG Hotline investigators, my stalker has repeatedly conveyed that my son, Duncan MacWilliams, has been coerced into falsely alleging "suspicions" of "human trafficking" engagement.

Without wanting to place my son in harm's way from predatory FBI personnel, I have attempted to address these allegations in the letter that follows herewith.

Most sincerely,




Lane MacWilliams

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Email sent to: duncan412@gmail.com. From: lanemacwilliams@gmail.com. Date: January 18, 2023 at 12:56 PM

Re:  The truth insists.

Duncan, this is a difficult letter to write, but it is one that insists.  Its virtue is its necessity, as is my own.

First of all, I hope you're well.  For reasons of your own safety and security, I have tried not to ask too much about your life -- nor to contact you too often.  But I need you to know that you're in my prayers daily, as I uphold your health and well-being, alongside your daily endeavors.  You are beloved in all your comings and goings, and I hope you know this in your soul.

Duncan, one of the means FBI personnel and affiliates have employed to attempt to discredit my truthful testimony as a whistleblower of FBI malfeasance is through falsely alleging that I am "wild" or "loose" or "promiscuous."  According to my stalker, the FBI has paid myriad informants to extend false allegations about my personal conduct with the intent of mischaracterizing me in nearly all respects.

My response to this slander and defamation is ongoing.

First, I need to observe that it is regrettable that the FBI seems to possess a culture that seeks to demean and degrade women.  Women "hold up half the sky," as the African proverb so rightly reminds us.  Institutions that denigrate women as an organizational prerogative have deep-seated problems that are not easily remedied.  In the case of the FBI, this destructive misogyny may date back to J. Edgar Hoover.  But here and now, we have a responsibility to call out such institutional lies as the heart of wrongdoing, malign in their intent, and unacceptable to a just society and a sustainable democracy.

Second, although this fact is in no way secondary to my life, I have had one intimate partner in my lifetime, and that is your father, Kenneth Paul MacWilliams, the most honorable man I know.

In a world in which the FBI utilizes spoofed phone calls, co-opts computers' IP addresses, fakes messaging and emails, misappropriates DNA from the homes of law-abiding Americans, composes fake photographs, creates AI-generated film co-opting the likeness of "targets," and pays informants to lie about their interactions with honorable women -- what is the significance of such loyalty?

The significance is that it's true.  While I would not stand in judgment of others' lives, in my own life, I have had one intimate partner.  No more.  No less. One.

The fact that he happens to be a man of great fortitude, loyalty, generosity, constancy, integrity, kindness and humor is a matter of my everlasting good luck.  More simply, for those of us who have a faith, it is a gift, a blessing, a sign of grace.

Those who have lied about my personal virtue have done so as the result of both pay and coercion, so I am told.  Compensation from Infragard and threats from FBI handlers have incentivized these individuals to extend scurrilous falsehoods about my character, with the intent of discrediting my truthful testimony regarding FBI misconduct.

Yet, the truth is still the truth.

Duncan, it is difficult to relate to you that I have been informed that even family members have come under such extreme pressure from the FBI that they have corroborated these lies.

It is saddening that I have been informed that even you yourself have become the victim of such coercion, apparently through the FBI's wielding of DEWs and HAARP against you and Mary -- with threats to your careers, health, family members, and even your very lives.

I am told that you may have been pressured to sign witness statements saying that you are "suspicious" about my personal conduct or otherwise have "doubts" about my virtue.

Yet, I am virtuous.

That fact hasn't changed.

The payoffs I have been offered to hold silent on this issue are in no manner equal to the value of my good name.  The "infinite wealth" I have been promised in return for ignoring the FBI's broad-scale perpetration of defamation toward "targets of interest" is in no way commensurate with the worth of our democracy.  The "limitless riches" promised by corrupt FBI personnel are worth nothing compared to my cherished husband's good opinion of my conduct toward him, which I, quite deservedly, possess.

Duncan, I am proud when I declare to you that I have been loyal to your father -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually loyal.

His faith in me has been well-placed.

In turn, beloved son, this is what I ask of you:

If you have any doubts whatsoever about my having had one single intimate partner in my lifetime -- that being your cherished father, Kenneth Paul MacWilliams -- express them to me directly, please, and do so by Friday, January 20th, 2023 at 9 AM.

If I don't hear from you, you are conveying to me that you know my self-proclamation of my virtue to be true and just.

If I hear from you only in the form of a communication that states "I find it outrageous that you are raising this subject," you are conveying to me that you know my self-proclamation of my virtue to be true and just.

If I hear from you only in the form of an email that expresses, "Please don't write to me about this," you are expressing that you know my self-proclamation of my virtue to be true and just.

I would ask that you not complain to your father about the content of this letter, please.  Just do me the honor of communicating with me directly on this issue.

If you doubt my virtue, say so.  If you don't doubt my virtue, declare it.  I will view both silence and diversion as signs that you are being prevented by your handler from engaging with me honestly and forthrightly.

Men may speak falsehoods out of fear, Duncan.  They may utter lies out of avarice for cash.

Yet, my virtue remains.

No one can alter the sovereignty of my personal choice to be loyal to one man, the man I married thirty-two and a half years ago one evening in Connecticut when a mysterious breeze filled St. George's Episcopal Church and the whole congregation, without knowing why, held its breath in expectation when your father and I joined hands.

There, I spoke my vows before God and a few hundred of His servants whom I know as my family and friends.

I have upheld those vows to this day.

The truth insists, Duncan.  And so do I.

I love you always,

Mom

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