My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Updated: "Do You Take Medication?" and Other Questions

1.  Do you take medication?

Answer:  I sometimes refer to the over-the-counter Excedrin I take for occasional migraines as "medication" when I'm speaking to my family members.  I don't take any prescription medication, except for Retin A cream as a facial skincare routine.  That's it.  I used to take estrogen as a medication, but no longer.

2.  Do you drink alcohol?

Answer:  On Thanksgiving, I had 2 or 3 one-third-full glasses of Proseco over the course of several hours. Prior to that, I probably enjoyed half a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve of 2022.  I don't generally drink because I grew up with an alcoholic family member.  So, I enjoy only a very minimal amount of alcohol on special occasions.  Most people consider me to be a teetotaler.

3.  Do you take recreational drugs?

Answer:  Not now.  Not ever.

4.  Why do you have a few drug testing kits in your pantry?

Answer:  When Duncan was a teenager, my husband and I thought we might need them to keep him on the straight and narrow path.  Friends of ours had nearly lost their teenage son to addiction, so we thought we wanted to be prepared for any unexpected challenges. I don't think we ever asked either of our sons to take a drug test.  Perhaps having the tests in a visible location in the pantry helped them to know we were maintaining an eagle eye.  We haven't thrown them away, simply because they're unopened.  But we should remove these, so that false accusations about us cannot be extended by anyone who comes to our home.

5.  Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?

Answer:  No, I have not.

6.  How did you know your son Duncan was falsely accusing you of the personality disorder known as "narcissism"?

Answer:  I suspect this to be the case, for the sole reason that my Pinterest feed is filled with Pins relating to defamation by close family members and growing up with a narcissistic parent.

7.  Can you give us some examples?

Answer:  Yes.  There are many Pins which suggest that a narcissistic mother is engaging in parental alienation by constantly criticizing the father.

8.  Do you take this to possibly mean that Duncan has falsely alleged that you have spoken ill of your husband to him over the years?

Answer:  Yes, I think my Pinterest feed is often utilized by my stalker as a kind of confession with regard to the specific nature of the FBI's lies through coerced informants.

9.  Can you give us other examples?

Answer:  Yes, some Pins focus on narcissists using their children as pawns, as reflections of themselves.  Others focus on narcissists having addiction issues or constant rages toward their closest family members. Others address narcissists' traits becoming more pronounced with age.  Others identify narcissists as notorious liars.

10.  For the record, what do you think of your husband's parenting?  And what do you think of him as your spouse?

Answer:  My husband has been an extraordinary father to our children, and a fantastic partner to me over the course of our 32-and-a-half-year marriage.  I will write more about him separately.  But he is a remarkable person of character and integrity, loyalty, bravery, kindness, compassion, optimism, humor and steadfast commitment.  I love him very dearly, and I hold him in deep admiration.

11.  Why would Duncan be motivated to tell lies about your family?

Answer:  The short answer is that the FBI has tortured his girlfriend and him, both.  The agency has caused grievous harms to the two of them and threatened much worse.  Please see my post entitled, "When a Son Is Compelled by the FBI to Lie About a Whistleblower Parent."

I'm sure that, to Duncan, who has been directed by his handler to lie in alleging "espionage activity" against his father and myself -- and any number of other crimes -- his lies about narcissism may not seem particularly damaging.

12.  But you believe they may be extremely damaging.

Answer:  Any attempts to discredit my character on the part of those who know me well can have extremely deleterious effects on an investigation of falsified law enforcement reporting for anti-democratic objectives, as currently being perpetrated by the FBI against the law-abiding American public.

13.  How would you assess your own psychology?

Answer:  I view myself as a remarkably strong and resilient person psychologically.  I am not swayed by misstatements made by false testifiers.  I am always receptive to learning about topics on which I am uneducated.  But I know myself well.  I hold to the truth with great commitment.  I have more courage than anyone I know.  I demonstrate compassion whenever it is possible to do so.  And I love others quite deeply, as I love our country.  

While it may be true that certain personnel within the FBI have put me through a great deal of gratuitous harm, I believe the experience has strengthened my resolve to defend the civil liberties and human rights of my fellow Americans.

I feel proud of myself, frankly.

14.  Your stalker has appeared to repeatedly extend the false allegation that you have had many sexual partners.

Answer:  My Pinterest feed has indicated that he has had the FBI direct those false allegations, yes.

15.  What is the truth?

Answer:  I have had one intimate partner in my lifetime, my beloved husband of 32-and-a-half years.  I am an extremely loyal and private person by nature. That's just who I am.

16.  Have you ever produced pornography?

Answer:  Not knowingly!  Dear Lord!  No!  I have never even watched pornography.  Not once.

17.  Why not?

Answer:  Because I think true intimacy is built through a conscious focus on my partner.  

18.  Your stalker has indicated that he has falsely accused you of prostitution.

Answer:  He has indicated that he has made those false allegations through my Pinterest feed, and through my iPhone.  And, if he has in actuality directed this defamation, I just need to express that this represents an extremely severe form of character assassination.

19.  Perhaps this is "normal treatment" that the FBI extends to "targets of interest."

Answer:  Character assassination should never. be viewed as "normal treatment."  One of the Pins my stalker has often included in my Pinterest feed states, "Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves."  And I find that unspeakably offensive.  

20.  Why?

Answer:  No one is collateral damage.  We are all human beings invested with the full civil rights and human dignity of that humanity.  When institutions such as the FBI engage in systematized character assassination, as I believe is occurring within the agency's unconstitutional "target of interest" program, slander and defamation become a prelude, accompaniment and postlude to physical harms.

I suspect there's a very real argument to be made that some of the perpetrators of the slander and defamation in question are engaging in the psychological phenomenon known as "projection" regarding their innocent "targets."

21.  What is the remedy to the character assassination and falsified law enforcement reporting in which the FBI is broadly engaged through its "target of interest" program?

Answer:  The truth, the truth, the truth.  Hearsay needs to be discounted, given the FBI's ability to coerce false testimony from paid informants. The hard facts need to be rigorously and exhaustively pursued by investigators in illuminating a single case of extensive FBI wrongdoing toward a law-abiding American citizen.  

After that, an examination of FBI malfeasance can broaden in scope.  

But in the beginning, it is simply necessary to find one case of FBI character assassination and harm toward a virtuous American.

Just one.

22.  Are you that one case?

Answer:  I hope I am.

23.  Your stalker has alleged that the FBI and its affiliates have sometimes recorded you in your private home or car losing your temper during some of the FBI's extraordinary predations toward you and your family.

Answer:  Yes, he has alleged that quite often.  In my own defense, I will say that it is highly uncharacteristic of me to lose my temper.  

But I do think, as I have said elsewhere, that my anger, privately expressed within my own home and my own car, has helped me to survive the FBI's rather overwhelming predatory pursuit of my family and myself.  Without a sense of righteous indignation about these violations of the Constitution, I don't believe that "targets of interest" can survive very long.

24.  Why not?

Answer:  Because part of human hope and dignity are founded on the promise of a just and truthful society.  When truth and justice are so egregiously assailed by segments of the law enforcement establishment, it's healthy for us to respond with moral outrage.

I'm put in mind of a documentary I saw recently about Martin Luther King, Jr., in which a close colleague states, with great equanimity, "It's difficult to remain calm when, over long periods of time, groups of individuals who disagree with your hope for equality appear to be trying to harm you."

And that's the heart of righteous indignation.

In a democracy, we all depend upon the commitment to civil discourse.

When one political faction begins to attempt to cause gratuitous harm to members of another, the entire foundations of our peaceable democratic society are threatened.

That's worth getting upset about.  And if I do become emphatic in my private home or my private vehicle in expressing my thoughts out loud, my right to privacy should be preserved and upheld in that setting.

If the FBI is recording "targets of interest" in the moments of their greatest distress in order to call them "crazy," "unstable," "dangerous," or worse, I don't think any of us should be accepting the agency's attempts at character assassination of those virtuous and admirable Americans.

25.  "Targets of interest" are human beings, in other words.

Answer:  Yes!  And they have the right to their humanity.  They have a right to their distress when that humanity is assailed.  They have a right to be outraged when their privacy is gratuitously violated with their beloved spouse.  They have a right to their tears when the FBI threatens to dispossess them of their family home.  They have a right to their indignation when they experience character assassination that is in all ways unfounded.

Let us not rob "targets of interest" of their right to be distressed.

Part of their healing will require our acknowledgment that the wrongs committed against them by the FBI have been in every regard undeserved.

When the truth is publicly acknowledged, "targets of interest" will speak to us calmly about all that they have survived.

I for one will be listening with compassion, honor and respect.

26.  Do you hereby certify that the foregoing is true and correct?

Answer:  I do.




Lane MacWilliams

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