My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Friday, June 7, 2024

The Best Leaders

OIG Hotline, yesterday, when I was leafing through some old scrapbooks, I came across my beloved Kindergarten teacher's report card evaluation of my performance in her classroom, written in longhand.

Emma Barrow, the Principal of our school, as well as being the star Kindergarten teacher, rose to be highly educated in the South at a time when black Americans were almost universally excluded from higher education.  Her grandmother had been a slave, yet she earned her Master's Degree and led an educational powerhouse of a school in a town in the Northeast with little diversity and a need for inclusion.  And she thrived.

Here are the words she wrote about me in my first engagement with the world of education:  (Please note that everyone called me Carol at the age of five.)

Carol's performance is superior.  Her response to different group situations is showing growth and tolerance.  She shows great interest in a varied program.  She's very capable and enjoys a challenge.  This young lady is so mature for her age.  She is truly a gifted youngster and a great leader.  She is quite ready for the First Grade.  She will be working in an advanced group for the opportunity of a challenge which is necessary for her at all times.  Her capabilities are quite outstanding.  It's remarkable what she can do and create all on her own! She's a joy and I'll miss her!

Emma was herself a joy, I must say.  Perceptive and deep, she saw through the externals to the heart and soul of her students -- and she uplifted them in every endeavor.

Emma thought, for reasons unknown to me even now, that I was a "great leader."  

And I must say, on the basis of this virtuous woman's testament alone, I am determined to be worthy of her early praise.

Perhaps I can honor her memory in the process.

The death threats I am currently receiving from the FBI have changed in character over the last twenty-four hours.  They are more intense, determined, confident, and secretive.  The FBI engaged its A-team of JSOC Special Forces, so I am told, in its trespass onto my property last night, and its alleged intended trespass onto my property again tonight.

As of this afternoon, I am receiving threats of chemical dissemination as part of the FBI's "extinction protocol," currently approved by President Biden to be deployed against my entire family.

Why is this so?  Why has the President approved of knowingly falsified handwriting forged by FBI personnel and alleging to be my own, of knowingly false audio and video recordings co-opting my voice and likeness in extending threats to others which I never spoke, expressed or intended in any capacity ever?

Why has the President allegedly directed OIG Hotline and ODNI staff to withhold my FOIA reports and investigative reports at the time they are needed the most?

I'll tell you why, within the boundaries that are permitted to me.

The young man, Bryan Kohberger, falsely accused by the FBI of four heinous crimes in Moscow, Idaho in November of 2022, has been held in prison for the last year and one half due to various forms of falsified evidence against him.

I now know the full extent of what these falsified forms of evidence are.  A portion of this false evidence is considered to be a highly classified national security matter.  I also comprehend the reasons why.

But my insight regarding these falsehoods does not give President Biden or the FBI the dispensation to murder me or my family members.

In fact, such an atrocity would represent a compounding of the government's knowing wrongs in this case.

At this point, President Biden is fully aware that Bryan Kohberger is innocent.  Yet he is currently choosing to protect the FBI as a wayward agency, committing flagrant and gratuitous Constitutional violations through systemic forms of falsified law enforcement reporting as a matter of institutional policy.

What happened yesterday that changed the nature of the balance regarding Bryan Kohberger's trial in Moscow, Idaho?

Without divulging specifics, I will simply say that I located my husband's and my children's baby books in a search through the storage areas of our home.  In them were photos, ribbons, congratulatory notes, milestones, locks of baby hair, and baby teeth, still gleaming white.

A portion of these artifacts are now preserved in a security band I am wearing around my waist.

No one will separate me from those artifacts while I am still alive and breathing.

So, President Biden has a problem.  A big problem.  

And I'm going to now recommend to him what he needs to do about it.

A portion of the falsified evidence against Bryan Kohberger, the portion to which my own artifacts pertain, should be unequivocally withdrawn from submitted evidence in the trial of this innocent young man.  And this needs to happen immediately.

Beyond this, I respectfully require that my Freedom of Information Act reports and the associated investigative reports from the OIG Hotline and the ODNI be provided to me on an immediate basis.

The "extinction protocol" currently being implemented against my immediate family members and MG is to be promptly and permanently discontinued.

There is to be no further dissemination of PBB, cyanide, chloropicrin or other harmful chemicals, metals, pathogens, parasites, nanobots or insect vectors against any of my family members ever again.  Water and food contamination is to be immediately and permanently discontinued as well.

There are to be no further deployments of JSOC "Ghost Teams," Special Forces, Hotshots, Navy Seals, Army Rangers, Texas Rangers, SWAT teams, fire department personnel for the purpose of committing arson, local law enforcement, FBI personnel or contractors, EMTs for the purpose of committing harm, or organized crime personnel to the residence of any of my family members or MG, given the express mission that many of these entities and individuals have adopted concerning the harm of my virtuous family and my honorable self.

The federal government, alongside my FOIA reports and investigative reports, will provide me with full disclosure concerning all settlements and penalties awarded in my name.  

I have recommended to the federal government that security clearances for me, given the information of which I am in possession, are now a necessity -- not an option.  They are required.  A competent, effective, ethical government is going to be reaching out to me on an immediate basis concerning these outstanding vulnerabilities to its concealed policies.

Again, I fully comprehend the reason for these policies.

But my insights do not equate to the President's designation of my beloved family members as an "acceptable sacrifice."  They are not a sacrifice for you to designate, gentlemen.  They will never be a sacrifice for you to designate.  And I hope I make myself clear.

There is to be medical restoration of my family members and MG at this time to my satisfaction, and with my international, private, and ongoing verification.

The federal government owes my family substantive restitution regarding the unconscionable harms it has willfully and repeatedly perpetrated against my family members in retaliation for my telling the truth about the FBI's crimes of falsified law enforcement reporting for anti-democratic objectives.

Those discussions will be conducted through a high-level attorney, not through forged scraps of paper with my forged handwriting wielded by a corrupt FBI and a corrupt President.

I hope I make myself clear on this point as well.

I will no longer be tolerating predation by the FBI and its affiliates as approved by President Biden, whether for personal profit, wounded ego, poor executive judgment and planning, inability to see the importance of aligning with powerful and perceptive citizens who are working for aligned goals, or just plain corruption.

Bryan Kohberger is not going to be facing the death penalty in Idaho because of a corrupt group of men who decided to profit off of the deceit involved.  Instead, my serving as a witness in that trial -- with names redacted if this is requested by my attorney as a stipulation extended for security reasons by the federal government -- will be in all ways facilitated.

None of my family members is going to experience further harm as the result of a confused, conflicted government which has been as yet unable to establish meaningful and substantive communication with me as an FBI whistleblower.

Those days are over, gentlemen.  They stand as a testament to the past.  And they will not reappear.

I will be writing about these concerns in one form or another in a public context until I am assured by direct communication from Washington, D.C. that my voice is being acknowledged, respected and addressed with cooperation in accordance with, but not limited to, all the stipulations I have listed above.

Once I receive this assurance, I will remove these writings from the public sphere.

But not before then.

Gentlemen, one of the most important skills we all are meant to learn in Kindergarten is how to play well with others.

I learned that skill in Kindergarten, and, as Emma Barrow so thoughtfully attests above, I learned to be a great leader as well.

Thank you, Emma Barrow, for your courageous, heartfelt, compassionate, strong, and determined example in guiding your students to fulfill their best and most transformational potential as leaders among all.

The best leaders recognize one another and form teams that are quite unbeatable in the wider world.

Mightn't that step now be overdue?

Lane MacWiliams




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