My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Friday, June 21, 2024

Open Sesame, Apriti Sesamo, Sesame Ouvre-toi, Sesam Offne Dich, Hirakegoma, Abrete Sesamo, Sesam Oppna Dig

 1.  You conveyed to ODNI Investigations and OIG Hotline Investigations today your formal request for your FOIA materials and investigative reports on the basis of a death-penalty trial now proceeding in the state of Idaho.

Answer:  Yes, I did.

2.  Will that be the key to your receiving all of the relevant reports?

Answer:  I have to hope so.  I likened the experience of requesting these reports today to standing on the outside of a stone wall and uttering the words "open sesame" in forty different languages.  No one has succeeded in opening the hidden door previously.  The public at large doesn't know the protocol, and neither do you.  There's no legal advocacy available to address this properly.  So, you just need to try and try and try and try again.

3.  Will the reports be released to you via courier, if indeed ODNI and OIG Hotline Investigations now send them?

Answer:  I want to be clear that I believe ODNI Investigations and OIG Hotline investigators have wanted to send the materials prior to now.  I simply think they have been obstructed in doing so.

And with regard to your question about a courier, I hope this method is employed.  It's really the only way to ensure that materials are not intercepted by the FBI en route.  The FBI has the clear ability to remove individual pieces of mail from FedEx, UPS, and the US Postal Service.  So, alternatives must be pursued, and I think a courier is an excellent answer to this problem.

4.  After a few years of stoicism, you allowed yourself, uncharacteristically, to express some grief and frustration yesterday.

Answer:  I had a good cry in other words.  Yes, it's not like me to indulge in the expression of emotion when my loved ones' health, lives and livelihoods are on the line, as is my own.  But it was time to allow myself a brief period of human sorrow over how difficult this has all been.

I want to be sure to convey my gratitude to those whose efforts have allowed me to live long enough to express that grief.

Human beings aren't meant to be under siege for prolonged periods of time -- months or years.  And one of the ways in which I have dealt with extreme stressors is to disallow real emotion -- to defer it until a later time.  But yesterday was the later time.  And it felt fantastic to be able to express to myself, in the confines of my own home, that to be stalked by a serial killer with powerful government ties for years on end represents an extraordinary violation of fundamental human rights.

5.  Do you believe that female investigators have gone to great lengths to try to assist you in this circumstance?

Answer:  I don't know any of the names or genders of the investigators involved.  And truly, I would wish to express profound gratitude to any and all investigators who have labored diligently to ascertain the truth of my complaint of falsified law enforcement reporting as perpetrated by the FBI.

Having said that, I do think that women may view long-term stalking by a serial killer with political protections in somewhat of a different light from others.

6.  Why do you feel this way?

Answer:  Because such a situation is genuinely terrifying for women.  And part of the definition of civilization is that the society as a whole refuses to accept predation toward women and children and will intervene decisively and lawfully when it happens.  So, if we abandon the vulnerable when they are being targeted for profit and entertainment by powerful predators and the corrupt law enforcement personnel who are enabling them, women and children everywhere in the nation lose the possibility of real safety.  And that's a tremendous loss -- just overwhelming.  Civilization takes an enormous step backward when this happens.

7.  We do see all kinds of crimes toward women and children during overt conflict all over the world.

Answer:  Yes, tragically, this is true.  But the United States is not defining itself as a nation experiencing domestic or civil conflict that would lead to the break down of legal protections for the vulnerable.  So, we need to rather heroically try to uphold them in circumstances like this one.

8.  The man stalking you is experiencing some kind of psychological obsession with causing you harm.  Is that correct?

Answer:  His friends and associates have said that he can't stop fantasizing about causing me harm.  So, it's extremely upsetting.  Not infrequently, he has sent a message to my cell phone stating, "I think we both know how this will end."

And while he clearly has violence in mind, when I receive this assertion, my answer is, "With your arrest!"

9.  Yet part of your frustration is that this man has been aided and abetted by the local Sheriff's Department, the FBI, the CIA, and certain powerful political figures as well.

Answer:  Well, I can only say that it has been a shock every time an agency, an organization, or an individual has faltered or failed in upholding ethics and lawful conduct surrounding this circumstance.  You feel so worried and sorrowful for the nation when this occurs.   Being stalked by a powerful serial killer is an extreme situation, and you survive from one day to the next with the assurance that some good person in benevolent authority is going to call a decisive halt to the predation eventually.  You need that belief in order to endure.

10.  What if you yourself are the benevolent authority?

Answer:  Well, that's an interesting possibility.  Certainly part of this ordeal has involved discovering my own capabilities to protect and defend those I care about.  And I certainly do not want to underestimate the critical importance of expert investigators within the OIG Hotline and the ODNI who have, without question, embodied the benevolent authority which has repeatedly saved our lives.  But yes, it is also necessary to recognize that I have the ability to act powerfully on my own behalf.

11.  What has it meant to you to act powerfully on your own behalf?

Answer:  It means, quite simply, perceiving and wielding the truth.

12.  Why is the truth so powerful in this circumstance?

Answer:  You know, there are always hidden truths within any society.  But the bigger they are, the more entrenched and established and profitable they are for longstanding interests, the more powerful is the revelation of that truth as well.  The first challenge is always to ascertain what the hidden truth is.  The second challenge is to decide whether to speak it.

13.  Why is there a question about whether a hidden truth should be spoken?

Answer:  There are reasons why not every truth can be spoken publicly, and I won't go into them here.  By contrast other truths can be revealed, and to the great good of the society.  So it is necessary to exercise discernment and thoughtfulness at every point.

14.  You have written about certain individuals lately, here and elsewhere, in a manner you have been reluctant to do previously.

Answer:  I'm still reluctant.

15.  Then why have you disclosed certain details previously withheld from the public sphere?

Answer:  Because I felt that I needed to introduce a substantive incentive to allow the provision of the reports to me.  Otherwise, it wasn't going to happen.

I revealed details in a manner that the FBI can still control.  But I need the reports and I'm not willing to tolerate further predation.  And the FBI needs to be clear on these points.

16.  You are not now in a position in which you could speak to any member of the government over the phone.

Answer:  Not prior to receiving the reports without redaction or omission unapproved by the lead investigators.

17.  The FBI is continuing to threaten at least one of your family members with forced job loss.

Answer:  Yes, these threats are coming in from the FBI on a daily basis.  But it would be best for the FBI to withdraw all harms and threats of harm at this time.  I would like to receive the reports and have the chance to evaluate them.  After that, I have stated that I would hear out the myriad perspectives regarding the problem of knowingly falsified law enforcement reporting, and that I would attend carefully to the points of view expressed.

18.  Has the FBI now withdrawn all plans to falsely claim that your loved ones or you yourself have perpetrated Phoenix Program crimes?

Answer:  Both of my sons were allegedly tortured recently by the FBI when the agency wanted to coerce false witness statements from them regarding my husband.  So, the FBI has been intransigent in the extreme with regard to this objective.  It's astonishing how aggressively they have pursued this scheme.

19.  What is the reason for that persistence?

Answer:  I think the reason is that the FBI is desperately attempting to justify a law enforcement raid that would result in "accidental" violence toward me.  This is likely the most direct route they can think of to silence me as an FBI whistleblower.  And I think the agency is likely feeling a sense of crisis and urgency surrounding the possible exposure of its crimes of falsified reporting.

20.  A revelation of this kind has never been made before?

Answer:  Well, it's important for us to remember the USA gymnasts whose victim statements regarding Larry Nassar were all falsfied by the FBI.  A few of these brave young women testified before Congress and called for an investigation of the FBI on the basis of the malfeasance in their case.

But this is likely the first time that a larger system of falsified law enforcement reporting has been proven by investigators as a systemic, large-scale problem of apparent institutional corruption targeting the law-abiding American public.

21.  So this is potentially transformative.

Answer:  It's important at this juncture to focus on the release of the reports to me as FOIA requester and investigative subject.  Because I'm sure there will be those who are anxious to express themselves to me after I receive this material.  And it's key to convey that they will have the opportunity to speak and be heard.

22.  Do you believe the release of the reports will be accompanied by full disclosure regarding the settlements and penalties awarded in your name?

Answer:  I have expressed to everyone that full disclosure protects the lives of my loved ones, in addition to my own.  So, I think investigators are highly aware of the importance of full disclosure, and I trust that they are motivated to safeguard us in this way.

23. Do you wish to express anything more?

Answer:  My abiding thanks to everyone who is laboring to safely convey the reports into my hands.

24.  Why is it so important to you to thank these people?

Answer:  Because I don't think heroes should go unsung.

25.  Do you hereby certify that the foregoing is true and correct?

Answer:  I do.

Lane MacWilliams


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