My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Saturday, January 11, 2025

Sanctuary

Email sent to Graham MacWilliams and Duncan MacWilliams, January 11, 2025 at 8:20 AM from lanemacwilliams@gmail.com.


Boys, I need to say a few words to you about who you truly are.

Do you remember when you were little that we had a CD that was all about meditation for children?  On the recording, the listener was asked to leave all of his or her worries pinned to a "Worry Tree" before entering a beautiful landscape, which was fenced and gated.  Inside, there was safety, magnificence, sanctuary, greenery, music, sustenance, humor, family, spirituality, endless gardens, loving animals, limitless learning, and, best of all, home.

I had the privilege as your mother of helping you to create that beautiful sanctuary and I had the honor of watching you grow within it.  Your true souls matured in that garden.  Your true hearts grew strong there.  Your true minds first understood your greatest talents within that refuge.  Your true courage abounded.

And I had joy in the witnessing.

Lately, there have been those who have endeavored to make you forget that place, abandon its gates, forsake its welcome in exchange for other places.  The boundaries of that garden have been violated, its sanctity unmade.  The manner in which predatory human beings can harm the innocent has been made known to you, and all too well, under color of authority.  And that peaceful sanctuary, which each of you carried within you, appears to have been lost.

So, this is what I need to say to you at this time.

In the perpetration of all of this unspeakable harm, others have separated you from your true selves, the boys who entered that garden with hope, with love, and with trust in humanity.

I am here to help you remember.  I, your mother, call you both by name to return to that place and rebuild it with me.  Graham Tate MacWilliams and Duncan Sayer MacWilliams, you each belong to yourselves and to God who formed you.  No one else can possess your own souls, your own hearts, your own minds, or your own labors in this world.

Let us lean on that Worry Tree.  Let us repair that gate.  Let us right the posts of the fence that holds virtue inside the safe place of your souls.

The things you have done while in the totalitarian control of others do not reflect the truth of who you are.

You are absolved of those wrongs spiritually, and you are absolved of them legally.

You are forgiven of those coerced wounds.

And now it's our job to ensure there are no more.

I want you both to know that you have sanctuary under my roof, wherever I am in the world, at any time.  With me, you will find peace, deep love, forgiveness if you are in need of it, renewal, sustenance, music, beauty, healing, restoration, hope, faith, growth, and a new beginning.

That sanctuary is your birthright as my sons.  It will be reclaimed.

I love you unconditionally, with knowing, with compassion, and with Grace.

Those gifts remain yours and will always remain yours,

Mom


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