My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Wednesday, June 7, 2023

Overcoming the Hardest and Strongest Things

1.  You are informed that the three men who blocked the exit from your driveway yesterday, Tuesday, June 6th, actually intended to cause you and your son great harm.

Answer:  This has been alleged, yes, although it seems there were others involved in that scheme as well.

2.  You apparently caused a real crisis when you started taking pictures of the vehicles involved from the vantage of Vista Verde Way, with cars going by the scene.

Answer:  I think the moment when "Jose" disappeared into his truck to speak to his handler for fifteen minutes marked a turning point.

3.  You were told that, with the noise of the wood chipper and the lack of egress from your driveway, there was to be a daylight break-in at your residence close to 4:00 PM this afternoon.

Answer:  Yes, I was.

4.  That's when "Jorge" was supposedly going to show up with the tree trimmers' missing business card.

Answer:  That's what I was told.

5.  Do you think the individuals involved in this scheme will now be identified?

Answer:  I hope so.  There is an allegation that an Army Rangers' team was to be involved regarding the incursion into our home.  I would like to know if that's true.

6.  Do you believe that "Jose's" FBI handler has all of that information?

Answer:  Most definitely.  And I hope OIG Hotline investigators will be able to obtain it from him.

7.  Why does there seem to be this extraordinary effort to reach you at this time?

Answer:  I have an outstanding Freedom of Information Act request that appears to be important.

8.  For what reason?

Answer:  For the reason that the sustained life of our democracy is important.

9.  What do you say to those who can't imagine that a Freedom of Information Act request could have anything to do with the life of the democracy?

Answer:  Falsified law enforcement reporting is necessary for autocratic regimes which need to silence free speech and open discourse.  But it's utterly inconsistent with democracy, which requires transparency and accountability from law enforcement officers.

10.  What is it like to hold to your principles when your life and the lives of your family members are under threat?

Answer:  It's my love for my family and friends that allows me to hold to my courage.  I want so much for them.  I want them to know dignity, privacy, health, learning, professional fulfillment, deep relationships, spiritual growth.  And freedom.  I want them to know freedom.

What if my courage is part of what makes freedom for others possible?  

We can't really know the outcomes in the moment.   So we have to live with as much bravery as we can.

11.  In holding to your FOIA request, you are insisting on your access to a complete report.

Answer:  It's not really a choice.  The truth in law enforcement reporting is necessary for our democracy.  The truth in journalism is necessary for the civil discourse on which our democracy relies.  And the truth in FOIA materials is necessary for me.

12.  Does it take superhuman qualities to persist in this quest?

Answer:  If the freedom of everyone you loved depended on your persistence, would you persist?

I saw a documentary on the world's rivers recently, and my favorite quote from the narrative was this one: With quiet determination, they overcome the hardest and strongest things.

It is possible to be human -- and still be determined to overcome the hardest and strongest things.

13.  You are deeply grateful for everyone who is rooting for you.

Answer:  Tremendously grateful.  Yes, I am.  




Lane MacWilliams

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