My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Saturday, June 17, 2023

Discrediting the Dying

Last night, my twenty-nine-year old son, who is suffering from at least two life-threatening illnesses as the direct result of predatory actions of far right factions of the FBI, had a meltdown.  

He swore, which is unlike him.

He accused his parents falsely, which is also fundamentally uncharacteristic of him.

He demonstrated paranoia, distrust, and fear when equanimity, grace and gratitude would have been appropriate.

And, given that my family is being wrongfully surveilled as part of the FBI's unconstitutional "target of interest" program, the whole, inglorious mess was recorded.

What are my thoughts about this invasion of privacy?

I think they are best expressed as a series of questions for the American public.

Is it right for extreme factions of the FBI to discredit law-abiding American citizens in their moments of greatest vulnerability?

When someone who has been obstructed from receiving appropriate medical care breaks down, can we genuinely say that their anger and grief are inappropriate?

Should the far right be allowed to defame law-abiding American citizens by exploiting the physical and psychological suffering the agency itself has caused?

When the FBI renders Americans' illnesses an indictment, how is it possible for them to reclaim their true identity?

What can we say about an FBI that would elect to cause myriad harms to the son of a whistleblower as a means of discrediting her family?

Are Americans entitled to privacy when they suffer from illness?

What happens when the FBI aggressively and repeatedly violates those privacy rights?

How would Americans' feel about their final illnesses being filmed, commoditized and distributed by a corrupt far right?

Is a young man's anger over having had his health stolen from him by a predatory FBI an emotion we can allow?

In a totalitarian system, people's lives and deaths belong to the State.  Are Americans ready to agree to this forfeiture of their privacy, their dignity, and their sovereignty for the benefit of the far right's quest for power?

On some level, doesn't the preservation of individual sovereignty support the preservation of national sovereignty?  Aren't individual human rights reflective of a nation that is free?

How can we answer far right personnel of the FBI who attempt to discredit the dying, whom they themselves have rendered ill?

I myself must answer by saying that I believe in the sanctity of the human spirit, separate and apart from the dominion of mankind.  The human soul is not for sale, no matter the attempts of the far right to purvey it.  Sometimes, our greatest growth emerges from moments of crisis, so if we deprive ourselves of those crises, we may also deprive ourselves of our most profound breakthroughs -- the ones that render life most worthwhile, edifying and transcendent.  

Yet, our privacy should be preserved through the whole of that journey.  If life is more than a performance -- and it is -- we need to run and fall and discover and fail and try and falter and ail and heal and live and die with as much privacy as we desire.

The FBI owes that privacy to my son, and infinitely more.




Lane MacWilliams

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The FBI is a deeply divided agency.  There are many FBI employees who view their vows to the Constitution with the utmost seriousness and honor, and who strive to defend the fundamentals of our democracy with courage, fortitude and commitment.  The fact that some segments of the FBI appear to have embraced a lawless course is not a justification to assail the FBI in general.  As President Joseph R. Biden has so rightly expressed, violence is never justified in any circumstance.  The rule of law must always be honored and upheld.  It is our shared determination to preserve the civil liberties and human rights of all Americans that renders the United States a democracy.  We must never abandon this promise. All of our most cherished freedoms depend upon it.

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