My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Sunday, February 12, 2023

A Letter to My Son

Email sent to: dxxxxx412@gmail.com. From: lanemacwilliams@gmail.com. Date:  February 12, 2023 at 12:41 PM

Re:  Allegations that your FBI handler is coercing further falsified witness statements from you.

Dxxxxx, love, I hope you and Mxxx are well, and little Alfie alongside you.

Sweetheart, I need to let you know that I am in receipt of threats that you are being pressured yet again by your FBI handler to allege falsehoods about our family.

This time, my stalker appears to be falsely alleging that your father and/or I have used illegal substances at some time in the past.

This has never occurred.

For whatever reason, your father and I were both independent minded enough as teenagers not to feel the need to experiment with drugs -- even once.

As you know, I had a cousin who never recovered from his drug use in the early seventies -- and to witness his decline was sufficient for me to have no interest in drugs whatsoever.  He had been a brilliant, funny, insightful, gentle person -- my favorite cousin.  But his drug use robbed him of all of these gifts, and many more.

I gather that my stalker has falsely alleged, based on my trial of a device called the "Air Physio Sports," which is designed to improve expiratory lung capacity for athletes, that I have engaged in something he references as "whiffing."  I admit that I am naive enough not to know what "whiffing" is, but it doesn't sound good.

I'm probably guilty of smelling the roses within a bouquet your father brings home to me for Mother's Day and Valentine's Day (almost upon us!).  But nothing else.

Dxxxxx, I see my health as an invaluable gift.  I am unwilling to engage in any activity that I know might harm that gift.  Your father feels the same way.

I am aware that the false witness statements to which you have signed your name at the directives of your FBI handler are coerced under criminal pressure from FBI personnel and affiliates.

I will simply say to you, if you genuinely believe that either your father or I, or Gxxxxx for that matter, has ever once used illegal substances, you need to be disclosing that belief to us so that we can dispel any doubts or concerns you may possess regarding this matter.

Stay strong, beloved young man.

I don't think the liars within far right factions of the FBI can win if we keep insisting on the truth in a public forum.

Your handler needs to understand that he is accountable to me under the law, and further, that I intend to hold him to that lawful obligation.

I love you always,

Mom

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