My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Monday, June 12, 2023

Why Americans Should Refuse to Report on Their Family Members for the FBI

Yesterday, I had a text conversation with my younger son, who is an FBI informant, about the health of my older son, who is currently in the hospital.

What can possibly go wrong during such an exchange, given that we are a loving family that is trying to facilitate health and well-being in one another?

A great deal.

First, my son's FBI handler, Txx Lxxxx, directed him to make false assertions in writing, like this one:


Here, my younger son makes a false assertion that his brother's highly abnormal HGH test "was from many years ago."

December 27, 2022, by my calculation, is five and a half months, not "many years."

Yet, far right segments of the FBI can use such a false statement to cause tremendous harm, casting doubt on a parent advocating for her son, as well as an FBI whistleblower who is advocating for all Americans' rights as consumers of U.S. medical care.

And here's another misstatement, seeking to minimize the physical causes of a hospitalization, and relegate them to parental neglect instead:


In this exchange, my younger son advances a theme of parental neglect.  He suggests that our older son has not been sufficiently encouraged to eat and drink.  And he casts doubt on the possibility of any physical origin of a highly abnormal HGH measure of 5.41 ng/ml.

Later, my younger son asserts that the hospital has run a new HGH test that has not, in fact, been ordered, despite our repeated requests.


When my husband and I spoke to the nurse's station last night, following this text exchange, we discovered that HGH had not been reordered by the physician, and the blood test taken in the afternoon was unrelated.  We placed a fifth request for a repeat HGH and explained that we would call back in the morning to ensure that this test was run.

This next exchange follows a suggestion by my younger son that our older son receive greater encouragement to eat.  In response, I asked my younger son if he had ever tried to force his brother to eat, and I asked him how that endeavor proceeded.  Here is the dialogue that follows:


Here, I attempt to point out to my younger son that all objective, sound medical care depends on an accurate diagnosis.  A pituitary tumor cannot be fixed by a consult with a nutritionist.  And withheld information in medical settings does not stand as an act that is separate and apart from patient outcomes.  During a hospitalization, the appropriate tests should be ordered without patient advocates having to beg for them repeatedly.  The results should not be suppressed or altered.  And the truthful diagnosis should be illuminated as rapidly as possible.

Why is this so critical?

Because patients can lose hope otherwise.  If their suffering is unrecognized and unaddressed, they may understandably feel that their circumstances cannot improve.  The failure is not theirs.  The failure is one of an abandonment of ethics in medical settings.

Later, in a blizzard of texts, I attempt to explain to my younger son what it is like to be prevented from obtaining appropriate medical care for a family member:




All of these statements are tragically, undeniably true.  Our older son's medical care has been repeatedly, relentlessly obstructed through the interference of the FBI with every chance he has had for appropriate diagnosis and treatment of pituitary disease.  The additional possibility of liver disease, caused by means that have been discussed elsewhere, manifests as yet another challenge for a young man who would like to be undertaking a normal, healthy engagement with independence and young adulthood.

What benefit does our country receive from the FBI's attempts to conceal accurate diagnoses for the family members of "targets of interest"?  

Is our nation safer with citizens who are suffering needlessly?

Is it more secure?

And when the FBI attempts to defame loving parents by mischaracterizing them as neglectful, what are we to say?

How can we best illuminate that the true neglect resides in a physician's failure to address a young man's pituitary tumor?

How can we most judiciously reveal the true abdication of professional responsibility?

Would any physician worth his or her medical degree believe that the proper response to an HGH measure of 5. 41 ng/ml is to accuse the patients' parents of neglect?

And should a family member of a hospital patient be co-opted in the FBI's schemes of providing disinformation regarding the subject?

Should a parent take time away from the care of her hospitalized son in order to notarize affidavits about the hospital staff?

There comes a point at which we must recognize that the FBI has no business interfering in the medical care of American citizens.  

If the FBI had a real case against "targets of interest," agency employees would not need to run around behind the scenes, attempting to cause their family members covert harm.

The family members of whistleblowers deserve access to the best medicine available to them, and that access should not be corrupted, impeded, or obstructed for any reason.

Physicians should not be co-opted into schemes of defamation toward the character and integrity of whistleblowers.

There is no profit to be gained from the needless suffering of our fellow Americans.  There is no "greater good" that results from their undiagnosed maladies.  

FBI personnel who are loyal to our nation and its Constitution are not going to be extending slander and defamation to the physicians of a whistleblower's son.

And yet, these harms, as perpetrated by far right FBI personnel, continue to manifest.

Surely, it is incumbent upon us, as Americans who love our families, our neighborhoods, and our nation, to say no more.

With that goal in mind, I will be reporting back here with regard to information forthcoming from El Camino Hospital today.


Lane MacWilliams

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The FBI is a deeply divided agency.  There are many FBI employees who view their vows to the Constitution with the utmost seriousness and honor, and who strive to defend the fundamentals of our democracy with courage, fortitude and commitment.  The fact that some segments of the FBI appear to have embraced a lawless course is not a justification to assail the FBI in general.  As President Joseph R. Biden has so rightly expressed, violence is never justified in any circumstance.  The rule of law must always be honored and upheld.  It is our shared determination to preserve the civil liberties and human rights of all Americans that renders the United States a democracy.  We must never abandon this promise. All of our most cherished freedoms depend upon it.

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