My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Wednesday, September 21, 2022

A Big-hearted Commitment

1.  What does it take to survive a situation like this, in which federal and local law enforcement are aiding and abetting a stalker who is a self-described predator?

Answer:  It's important to clarify that you're asking about the most extreme sort of predator.

2.  You have said that your stalker has described himself as someone who has taken the lives of others.

Answer:  That is correct.  He has appeared to acknowledge this.

3.  So, how have you survived?

Answer:  Beyond high adaptability and an inclination to learn rapidly, I have had the help of many people. My husband has believed in me.  My President has believed in me.  The OIG Hotline has believed in me.  My stalker has himself extended frequent warnings to me, which has helped me to protect myself.  And I have also received help at critical times from certain individuals within other agencies, including the FBI, who have taken an interest in my progress.

4.  You have said that the FBI is a deeply divided agency.

Answer:  And it absolutely is.  There are many highly honorable people within the FBI who take their vows to the Constitution as oaths they would never willingly violate.

5.  The FBI alleges that it has recorded you speaking in anger at times, and these recordings have been used to discredit you in various settings.

Answer:  Segments of the FBI specialize in disinformation.  Unlawful privacy violations committed by the FBI should not be rewarded by others with the gift of credibility extended to the assertions of the far right within the agency.

6.  You have said at times that you might have earned three Oscars over the past few years, given all that has been required of you.  What do you mean by that?

Answer:  One psychopath is a handful, truly.  Just one psychopath will wreak havoc in an otherwise peaceful life.  But when facing groups of predatory men working together as FBI contractors and far right FBI personnel?  Such a situation requires that a "target" learns how to engage in entertaining oratory, notice ten thousand infinitesimal details that may be important later, and cry on queue.

7.  In other words, surviving thus far has required generous help from others and nerves of steel from you.

Answer:  That's fair to say.  But I would also like to say that it's not possible to survive something like this if one is only working for oneself.

8.  What do you mean by that?

Answer:  I am aware that there are millions of other "targets of interest" who have not been able to find advocacy, despite their best efforts.  I cannot abandon those good people.  I'm not willing to abandon them.  I have to keep striving -- not on my own behalf so much as theirs.  Our whole democracy rests on our shared understanding of this big-hearted commitment to our fellow Americans.

9.  You have previously mentioned that you have a faith in God.

Answer:  Carl Jung once said that he didn't "believe" in God.  Instead, he "knew."  At a certain point, faith becomes more.

10.  Has your faith become "more" partly as a result of your travails?

Answer:  Yes, it has.  It's only advisable to take a journey like this one with a knowledge that God, in His infinite wisdom, is watching over us.  

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