My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Friday, July 22, 2022

The Spiritual Accountant

I used to refer to Esther Yang as my "spiritual accountant," for the sole reason that accounting is not my favorite task in the world -- and Esther and I share a resonant faith.  

Esther has been pressed into serving as a paid informant for the FBI, sadly.  So, this year, we conducted our annual accounting appointment over the phone rather than in person.

She seemed genuinely distressed when I explained to her that the FBI routinely falsifies and notarizes the witness statements of paid informants, thus co-opting them into the crime of falsified law enforcement reporting for anti-democratic objectives.

Esther is an exceptionally honest person, and she wasn't pleased to learn about her FBI handler's criminal proclivities.

Before we hung up the phone, I sent Esther an email, the contents of which she confirmed immediately.  This communication is included here below. (Please note that its contents are included below our email for ease of reading.)

Is it true that her FBI handler was angry at her admission that our conversation was entirely ethical and lawful, but went onward with his plan to write a criminally falsified report of our dialogue, appending her signature to the falsehoods later this afternoon?

Is it true that her handler planned to mischaracterize my description to Esther of turning away proferred bribes from FBI affiliates?  

Is it true that he edited his audio recording of our conversation to create knowingly falsified content?

I'm not certain, but I recorded the whole of my conversation with Esther, and I will make this available to the OIG Hotline upon request.

The truth of virtuous accounting is  .... well ....  virtuous.

It shows genuine people trying to behave honorably and ethically in all circumstances.

Esther knows me well enough to know that I stand for an ethical approach in all endeavors.

The FBI is still learning what that means.


From Lane to Esther at 10:51 a.m.:

Subject:  Confirming the nature of our conversation during our 40 Gansett accounting

Esther, thank you so much for your assistance with the Gansett accounting for this year.

I have undertaken the practice of confirming for the OIG Hotline and the ODNI my conversations with others, so as to impede the attempts of third parties to engage in falsified law enforcement reporting, given my status as a whistleblower of corruption in various FBI programs, including the Nationwide Suspicious Activity Reporting Initiative and the FBI's affiliated "target of interest" program.

Please respond to this email to confirm that our conversation today regarding accounting and all other topics was at all times lawful and honorable, and that nothing we discussed was "suspicious" or otherwise concerning to you in any way regarding my own ethics, lawfulness and conduct.

Please indicate that your assessment in this regard is true, correct, and complete, and that your testament is provided of your own free will and accord.

Thank you very much for your support in this regard,

Lane MacWilliams

From Esther to Lane at 10:52 a.m.

Yes, I confirm.



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