My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Thursday, December 15, 2022

Did a Palo Alto Waiter Lie About Lane MacWilliams for Pay from the FBI/Infragard?

1.  Your stalker has recently renewed his allegations to you that the FBI is defaming your character by suggesting that you have had many intimate partners, and that you have done so for pay.

Answer:  He has.  But again, this seems to be projection on my stalker's part, given that he has described himself as a "gigolo."  I have had one intimate partner in my lifetime, that of my husband of 32 1/2 years.

2.  Are there any specific false allegations your stalker has communicated to you on this subject?

Answer:  There is one.  He has suggested that the FBI may be lying about an incident in which I left a generous tip for a waiter at a restaurant in downtown Palo Alto.  I did not save the Pin associated with this message, but it arrived twice today.

3.  What did it say?

Answer:  If I had to reconstruct the quote, it went something like this:  "Once I was at a restaurant with someone who stiffed the waiter of his tip.  Later, I came back to tip him and to apologize, and he refused the remuneration by asking me for a date instead.  Tomorrow I'm going to marry him!"

4.  Was this post accompanied by posts that related to prostitution as well as character defamation?

Answer:  It was.  Here are a few examples that I did save to my computer:

5.  What was the actual incident in which you returned to a restaurant to leave a tip for a waiter in Palo Alto?

Answer:  I had attempted to drop off some medicine for someone at a restaurant, and while I was there I drank some sparkling water.  When I prepared to leave twenty minutes later, I was embarrassed that I had left my wallet in my car.  It was raining that night, and my car was several blocks away.  In what seemed to be a gesture of generosity, the waiter stated that he was happy to "comp" my drink.  I thanked him, but I returned a few nights later to pay him properly for the drink and his tip.

6.  How much did you pay him at that time?

Answer:  I'm not sure of the exact amount.  I think it was somewhere between 50 and 100 dollars.  He had been, at least ostensibly, quite kind to me -- and I wanted to convey a sort of "pay it forward" sense of gratitude.  I thought it would be nice if he helped the next person who came along and found him- or herself a few dollars short of the bill.

7.  But now, do you believe this very waiter may have lied about you for pay to the FBI?

Answer:  It's possible based on the Pinterest post about the delayed tipping, which seems an odd scenario to me. I'm under the impression from my stalker that the FBI has tried repeatedly to suggest that I have "dated" men for pay.  If the agency has committed this crime, it really constitutes an outrageous and insulting attempt on so many levels.  This type of misogyny is not a joke.  It's character assassination, and it's accompanied by other harms.

8.  How do you mean?

Answer:  You arrive at a certain point as a woman who is a "target of interest" where you can perceive a group attempt to dupe, demean and diminish "targets" in a manner that fits a classically psychopathic profile.  Some individuals who participate in the stalking patterns associated with the "target of interest" program appear to be entertaining themselves with the defamation, the privacy violations, and the myriad other harms the FBI is perpetrating against law-abiding Americans who have been wrongfully designated as worthy of this harassment.  It appears to be a game for them.

9.  Did you have a date with that waiter in Palo Alto?

Answer:  Oh, heavens, no!

10.  How could you defend yourself if he falsely defamed you?

Answer:  I just think the facts need to be rigorously pursued.  If this man falsely reported to the FBI about me, who put him in touch with his handler?  Who made that first contact for him?  Was it my stalker?  One of his friends?  

Does it really make sense that a man in his thirties would be attempting to date a woman in her late fifties?  Probably not.

And somehow he thought I was a prostitute?  Do I look like a prostitute?  Do I present myself in that manner in public?

I was supposedly negotiating prices with him while he was at work within the restaurant?

Honestly, the whole scenario falls apart with the slightest scrutiny.

11.  What do you think should happen to men who lie about women in an attempt to demean and diminish them?

Answer:  I think their veil of secrecy should be removed from them, and they should be forced to address their lies publicly.  The Constitution gives every citizen the right to face his or her accuser.  

If the FBI is driving a hidden program which institutionalizes a shaming of women based on disinformation, I think the American public deserves to know about this.  Are there fake photos that accompany these false reports?  Are there fake videos?  We need to know this, and we need to know it rather urgently.

12.  You found a post on Pinterest today that stated "the smallest lie can unmake the greatest truth."  What is your response to that assertion?

Answer:  Horror.  Revulsion. Protest.

13.  The truth is that you are an honorable person who was attempting to thank someone for a kindness.

Answer:  Yes, and if that kindness was weaponized by predatory men in the FBI, such a crime would be deeply wrong.

14.  Why is it particularly offensive?

Answer:  One of the characteristics of programs of torture is the consistent attempt to separate victims from a sense of their true selves.  If you've had one intimate partner over your lifetime, torturers will attempt to remove your chaste character from you -- if not in actuality, then in reputation.  If you are a protector of the vulnerable, torturers will attempt to cast you as a predator instead.  They want you to suffer that dislocation from your central identity ... to cease to know who you are and why you matter.

15.  How does a person stand up for herself in this context?  

Answer:  I'm put in mind of a poem by Rudyard Kipling, entitled If.  

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

It's necessary to hold to truth and principle in the face of those who deal in lies and harm.  And it's necessary that we be exceptionally insistent about this choice.

15.  Do you hope to learn whether this Palo Alto waiter lied about you to the FBI?

Answer:  I most certainly do.

16.  Do you hereby certify that the foregoing is true and correct?

Answer:  I do.


Lane MacWilliams

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