My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Saturday, July 27, 2024

Moral Injury, Spiritual Wounding

 Xxxxxx, my beloved son, it is my understanding that, in following directives extended to you by Tom Lyons, Brandan Pesa, and, in turn, Pxxxxxxxx xxxxx, you have -- against your will -- sustained a moral injury connected to a drone warfare program conveyed to you by the DoD.

Under threat to your life and that of xxxx, you reluctantly agreed to harm two people whom the DoD had identified as "terrorists" in another country.

Only sweetheart, they weren't terrorists.  They were innocents.  And you were lied to by the DoD, just as so many others have been.

You need to know that, as part of this harm, the FBI and its affiliates have sought to desensitize you to the act of murder.

They have sought to "bring you along" to the point where you would agree to much more visceral and direct crimes, also directed by the FBI.

They have sought to take control of your decision-making, to decimate your independent will, to destroy your sovereignty so that you are merely an automaton for the DoD, ready to act on command, in any manner your handler should require.

The DoD has had a significant problem with its drone warfare program, and it is this:  approximately 75% of remote "pilots" begin to exhibit PTSD after a mere two years.  Having sustained a moral and spiritual injury, they are of little ongoing use to the agency.  They begin to express hatred for their jobs, distrust of the military, and a profound resentment toward the falsified blame projected onto "targets," and the quota system by which their "performance" is evaluated and documented.  The other 25%, as you might imagine, are not people in possession of a working conscience.

The DoD has sought to "automate" its drone warfare program as a result, but there has been pushback among those who understand what a humanitarian disaster autonomous drone killing would be if enacted on a large scale.

In the short term, the FBI found this venue a comparatively easy way to compromise your feelings about yourself, your virtue, your goodness, your soul.

In the longer term, as I said, the FBI has developed more nefarious plans, including those involving blaming you for capital crimes committed by others through the Xxxxxxx Program, if they cannot convince you to commit those crimes in person.

Their central objective, however, remains the quest to direct you to harm an FBI whistleblower who is a close family member, someone to whom you are likely to have access in the future, and certainly at your wedding, as the FBI has assessed.

What is wrong with all of this, Xxxxxx?  What is wrong with the FBI's lies that justify the FBI's "targets" that in turn justify the FBI's murders?

Well, we must turn for the answer to the age-old battle between good and evil.

The FBI, like its affiliate agencies, wants absolute power over the citizenry of the United States, as it desires absolute power over the rest of the world.  This is to say, the FBI wants power over the economic, social and political lives of civilian populations everywhere.  And enforcing that power is the job of what the FBI intends to be an invisible army, one into which both your brother and you have been unwillingly conscripted, and Mary as well.  The agency wants to wield the power of life and death over all people.  It wants to rule through a shadow government, unelected, unvetted, unseen, and unstoppable.

But to realize this feat, it needs deceit, it needs false statements from coerced witnesses, it needs an obedient set of civilian "soldiers" who will act on command, it needs you.

It is no secret to others that I don't support totalitarianism.  Such forms of governance always eventually enact mass atrocities on an undefended public.  So, I see where totalitarian movements are headed -- and I disagree with every ounce of the will to power that informs them.

There is no way to wield absolute power well.  Those who envision a milder or kinder totalitarianism fail to understand its universalities, both historically and today.

So, I would simply say this to you, young man:

I am striving for the return to you of your sovereign soul, your independent will, your capacity to freely make those most important decisions between good and evil that, while hidden from the outer world, comprise the most important and eternal choices you will ever make.

I ask you to never again access the DoD's drone warfare program for any reason.  I ask xxxx to never access it either.  And I ask the same of xxxxxx.

I have requested that the three of you receive honorable discharges from the Xxxxxxx Program and all programs and agreements connected to the FBI, the CIA, the DoD and any of these agencies' affiliates, contractors or informants.

In addition, I have asked that all of you receive restoration of your complete health, freedom from all communication with your handlers, freedom from all future targeting by any of these agencies, their contractors or affiliates, and a way to reclaim your fundamental human rights from a government which has so wrongfully taken them from you.  The defamation, disinformation and alienation the FBI has perpetrated in an attempt to isolate you from your parents who love you most in the world is to be answered with de-programming, so that you can begin to see the stratagems of your tormentors, and begin to unmake them in your own time.

You all have suffered unspeakable harms as the result of this ordeal.

You must find a way, with the love of our family, to begin again.

Beloved young man, the love our family shares is not trivial or minor or ancillary to the central concerns of life.  No.  It is the main event, the big miracle, the way we travel to the depths of Hell to rescue one another from darkness, and the way we come back to the world again, victorious, restored, and together.

When you feel up to it, not now, please read the New York Times articles referenced here regarding the moral injury associated with the DoD's drone warfare programs:

The Wounds of the Drone Warrior, June 13, 2028

The Unseen Scars of Those Who Kill Via Remote Control, April 15, 2022

The Unseen Trauma of America's Drone Pilots, May 9, 2022

The DoD and the FBI know they are lying in calling the civilians of distant nations "terrorists" so that they can kill "targets" with impunity, just as they know they are lying when they call highly honorable whistleblowers "domestic terrorists" with the hope of taking their lives unjustly.

It is the FBI's and CIA's underlying systems of deceit that render it all possible.

So tell the truth, tell it fiercely, and don't ever stop.

As part of your honorable discharge, I have asked that you, xxxx and xxxxxx be afforded the opportunity to withdraw all false statements coerced by the FBI, the CIA, and all of their affiliates without penalty or harm.

Young man, dearest spirit, you can recover from this tragedy.

But you must first feel its deep sorrow, as this journey is now unavoidable.

Turn to your faith that you are beloved by God. Because you are.

My mother used to say that we are so greatly loved by Him that the hairs on our heads are numbered.  And this is true.  We are viewed with this much compassion, knowledge, love and mercy.

This is the blessed assurance which must now buoy your hope for better days.

My love for you will not be undone.

It surrounds you always.

Mom


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