My Third Novel's Conclusion, My Heartbreak

My heart begins to break when I think about completing this particular book -- because this narrative has sustained me like no other story I've known. It's both more personal and more universal than my other works. But beyond memory and archetype, it's a cri-de-coeur about needing to become the person one is destined to be. And in the writing, I have met my own life's work, my own fated journey -- having the sense all the while that the pages are suffused with a resonance, an energy, an electrified field that defies explanation. Writers hope and pray to be overtaken by a work in this way -- to be conscripted into passionate service of a profound story. To experience it even once in a lifetime seems a great privilege. I still have several months before this novel is complete, and this constitutes my reprieve. Because I'm not ready for the beauty to end.




Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Reminiscing With My Son's FBI Handler

Remember when you first threatened my son, shortly after you introduced yourself, by telling him that you would "ruin his life" if he did not become an FBI informant, reporting on his law-abiding family for pay?

I do.

Remember when you violated the privacy of my son's girlfriend by obtaining illicit images, and then told my son that you would distribute them broadly if he did not comply with your every demand?

I do.

Remember when you instructed my son to call me on the phone in October of 2021 for the express purpose of telling me to drop my legal pursuit of the materials responsive to my Freedom of Information Act request?

I do.

Remember when you coerced my son into signing his name to false reports about our family, only to later have him threatened with prosecution for those falsehoods?

I do.

Remember when you told my son that his girlfriend would be killed unless he complied with your demands in every capacity?

I do.

Remember when you threatened to have my son fired from his job, and every job after that, if he did not acquiesce to your unlawful demands?

I do.

Remember when you told my son to cast aspersions on his honorable parents, to make false claims about his childhood, to deny his affection for me as his mother in any and every context?

I do.

Remember when you tortured my son with DEWs, and then apologized for it afterwards -- only to repeat the same unconscionable aggression later?

I do.

Remember when you told my son to spend the night with his family in Portola Valley at Thanksgiving, because your associates had devised a plan to take the lives of all four of our family members in a home invasion robbery?

I do.

Remember when you told my son that, in order to maintain his own safety and that of his girlfriend, he was going to be "initiated" into your "club" through the taking of an innocent life?

I do.

Remember how you planned to prosecute him for a capital crime from the very beginning?

I do.

Remember when you threatened to cause him to develop cancer through radiation, EMF, ELF, and toxin exposures if he denied your demands?

I do.

Remember when you told my son that he would be responsible for reporting on my husband from Hawaii next week, and that those reports would contain falsehoods alleging that my husband was involved in unlawful activity?

I do.

Remember how your colleagues planned to use those false reports to justify physical harm of my husband prior to his return home to Portola Valley?

I do.

Remember how I once wrote that I looked forward to learning your name, rank, and badge number?

I do.

Remember how I am a sincere person who upholds her lawful and honorable intentions, and that I meant what I said at the time, and still mean it today, and will always mean it for the full span of the future, known and unknown?

I do.

Well, I'm pleased that we had the opportunity to reminisce about these events.

It gives clarity to restate that the extreme right, of which you are a card-carrying member, has set out to damage, undermine, and destroy virtuous American families for entertainment, profit, professional advancement, and anti-democratic objectives.  Should you ever forget the full extent of your gratuitous crimes against my loving family, I assure you, I remember them, and I will remind you of them, and remind the American public of your commission of them, invoking your name without fail.  And I will do so with devotion, commitment, fortitude, grace, reason, tirelessness, patriotism, eloquence, ambition, and faith.  Indefinitely.




Lane MacWilliams

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The FBI is a deeply divided agency.  There are many FBI employees who view their vows to the Constitution with the utmost seriousness and honor, and who strive to defend the fundamentals of our democracy with courage, fortitude and commitment.  The fact that some segments of the FBI appear to have embraced a lawless course is not a justification to assail the FBI in general.  As President Joseph R. Biden has so rightly expressed, violence is never justified in any circumstance.  The rule of law must always be honored and upheld.  It is our shared determination to preserve the civil liberties and human rights of all Americans that renders the United States a democracy.  We must never abandon this promise. All of our most cherished freedoms depend upon it.

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